sanity
by Kailey Hamilton
Summary: "You do your best to understand what goes through Ginny Weasley's mind when, for once, she breaks down and cries." Demelza/Ginny. One-shot for Mew.


_Notes:_ _For **Mew** for the Gift-Giving Extravaganza. Miss, I kinda hate you (but not really) for making me ship it. I think I'm right to assume this is one of your trademarked pairings...?_

* * *

 **sanity**

As soon as the door to the changing room closes behind you, you're pushed against it and Ginny Weasley's lips crash on yours. There's nothing sweet about the way in which she grasps your shoulders or the way her body presses against yours. There's nothing tame in the way in which your hands clutch her hair, red hot like those kisses you've come to know and long for.

Right now, it suits you just fine that the two of you are the only girls in the team. It doesn't suit you, however, to feel drops on your own cheeks and realize that, Merlin, _she is crying_ and you know _why_ \- but that doesn't mean you're up for it.

"Ginny-"

"Shower?" she hurriedly inquires.

"No." She pulls away with a questioning stare. You cross your arms. "You can't _cry_ on me and expect me to be in the mood."

She walks up to the benches and sits down. Her hand runs through her half-undone braid, setting it finally free. Ginny's hiding and you know it - she hopes you won't notice fresh tears appearing.

"You're right, Demi." she whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." You sit down next to her, wrapping your arm around her shoulders. Ginny dries her eyes with the back of her hand. "You've done nothing wrong. You can talk to me, you know? We're friends."

"It wouldn't be fair."

There's only one thing that could get her to answer like that, and even now, you can't contain the urge to roll your eyes.

"Are you insane? Is it that you miss Potter? Because that's no secret and believe me," You think your next words twice before saying them. "I knew what I was getting into."

"It's not Harry. I miss him, but do you really think I have time to worry when...?" She doesn't finish her question, but sniffles instead. You know exactly what she means. "I keep replaying it in my head what they did to little Paul Turpin and-"

"Stop."

"That's why, because you also-"

"Got detention, yes. It doesn't matter. Thinking about it won't make it better and besides, you're already doing all you can. We all are, except..." You know it's not the right time to bring it up, but you're beyond caring. "You've never told me where you hold these little meetings of yours."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"So it wasn't you the one who wrote 'Dumbledore's Army: Still-"

"Hush. Slytherin's got practice soon so we'll talk in the common room."

"Fair enough." She lets her head fall on your shoulder, and you sit like that for a few minutes.

 _Do I love her?_ You ask yourself. As you do every time you find yourself sharing a shower with her, or sneaking into her dorm when the other girls are asleep. You've been good friends for a long time now, after all. Part of you does love her, in a way. But it's most definitely not the part of you that had seduced her and promised that _yes, this will be alright, just to release some tension, to have fun - I can see how you look at me and I feel it too, Ginny. Don't be afraid._

That part of you, the one who did that, is the one who thinks she's the hottest girl you've seen in your life. And to her credit, afraid she was not. She was playful, and witty, and every bit the great friend she'd been before you started stalling for too long in the changing rooms.

"I don't think Harry has ever seen me cry," she confesses. "This is just... too much."

You stroke her hair, hold her hand and whisper into her ear, "I know. I understand," and allow her to just give into the comfort of your presence. You do understand, Demelza, or at least try - she's the captain, and she leads the resistance, she has enough worries with the love of her life, her brother and her best friend on the run... and she tries so hard to keep everyone safe that she's gotten a few run-ins with the Carrows already. Nothing too serious -definitely not like what they did to you- but you're not one to compare woes, now are you? So you do your best to understand what goes through Ginny Weasley's mind when, for once, she breaks down and cries.

"Ginny, if _this_ is making you feel worse-"

"No," she answers, a bit too quickly. "It's not," she reassures in a softer tone.

"Are you sure? I can't help but think that..." _Get it out, Demelza_. "That you feel you're being somehow disloyal to Potter."

It takes her a while to answer.

"He ended things, didn't he? I'm not his girlfriend and I don't think he'd expect me to just... sit here and do nothing. I waited for far too long, and nothing I've ever done takes away from the fact that I _am_ waiting. I just... I just can't stop living now. I'm not dead yet."

If you loved her, wouldn't that sting, Demelza? Wouldn't it hurt to know you're second best, at best? But it's all good to you, as long as she's there with you.

"I have to confess," you say, "that you're the most fun I'm having these days. You keep me sane."

"Yeah." A hint of a smile appears in her face, and she gives you a quick kiss before you can fully appreciate the renewed glow on her face. "I can say the same."

"Good." You smile too. "Shower, then?"


End file.
